The cost of sex

JACK: With the current credit climate I have been giving a lot of thought to saving money and being careful with what I do spend. Not long ago I was out of contract looking for some work and I discovered LIDL. A supermarket chain that keeps costs very low in the UK. I recognise this “frame of mind”. I recognise the nasty smell that it has. Something I cannot see or touch but I know is there. I sometimes get this feeling when playing computer games. Games where you gather the tools you need, bullets or shield has to be conserved to fight a boss later on. These are the only places I can think of that you need to have this frame of mind.

At least, that’s as far as I thought that line of thinking would go. You see, since we started trying, I have had to conserve my effluence for the greater good. This has meant no crafty games of pocket billiards when I am alone and only humping every other day when my “bitch is on heat”. Sorry Pippa, I could not resist.

At first, this was nearly impossible to keep up. But the longer we tried, the more we needed to commit. I have found myself learning to live without the great feeling of an orgasm that I have been enjoying since before I was a teenager. So much so, that this weekend I was OK to pass “man water”. This also coincided with Steak and Blowjob day. Yes an official day, 1 calendar month after valentines day that officially pays guys back for doing such a good job on valentines. It’s win-win. The ladies get a great valentine up front and the guys get everything they want. Anyway, I could fill the internet with my thoughts on that particular holiday. Well, at least I thought I could.

That was until this year. I found myself stressed and exhausted from working over the weekend. We were visiting family and got back home. I wolfed the steak with wedges and vine tomatoes, but told Pippa to hold fire on the rest of the celebrations as I was a bit exhausted. She offered me a rain check and I accepted with the intention of continuing on Sunday. We’ll I went through the entire day avoiding the thought and then finally the act of it. I want my spunk to be rich and ready to impregnate but at what cost? I fear I my be damaging my psyche!

The same old nagging feeling came back in my head. This little alarm that says no, you can’t afford it. So we had our nasty tasting alcohol free sparkling juice drink, instead of champagne and that was that. Now I think about this, there’s the other thing this feeling is like. Dieting! Or avoiding alcohol. That little alarm in my head. That nagging sensation. Am I reading too much into this? I think so. In the mist of this I think I am going to far and putting my health at risk. I have been in a pretty stressful place the last couple of days and I think I know the best medicine. But what will happen to my collection? My little gathering of mini Jacks?

The decision was made for me. On the morning of the 17th... At approximately 7:30 am… 3 days after Steak and BJ day. Jack Surname awoke with a stonking erection that Pippa battled with for all of 3 minutes. It was a long and arduous fight for her. But we managed it. The seal is broken. The collection tarnished. I went to work in a great mood which is nice. And now, at the close of Tuesday 13th March, I ask myself. I wonder how much I can save before D-Day? We are merely a week away from the collection. I’m starting to fantasise about collection cups. Useful!

Jack