first thoughts

Pippa: I'm very grateful to Jack for suggesting we do this blog. Of course I hope that maybe someone else who is in the same position may find some comfort in our musings but mostly for now I hope it helps us to cope with the stress of our situation.

I have to say, I really am not the best person when it comes to expressing my feelings and therefore, writing down my thoughts as we progress toward IVF should help me with this and as Jack will read my posts, I hope he will understand how I feel at every step.

Today hasn't been a good day. My period was due- 27 days I could practially set my clock by it! It's so weird how, when you are trying to conceive, you analyse every tummy cramp or back spasm. I've been waiting for it to come all day- but it didn't- there's hope right there! If only it would not come, just even for another day, there's the hope still alive.

My friend is expecting at work. This is her last week. She knows she is having a boy, has even told us what she will name him. I went shopping this afternoon for a leaving present- a little bouncing chair and a back pack for her to carry the little mite on her back. Still my period had not arrived, Oh perhaps I'd like that chair for mine and the back pack -how cute.

Then the inevitable. I feel so silly, I knew it was coming- deep down. Sometimes I go to the toilet and check- you know, have little rummage. No red stuff- still hope. Anyway, this time, a bit of red stuff, the hope's gone. Now I have to tell Jack oh dear.

I know I have to do it like ripping off a plaster. I've done it enough times, I know it's better straight out. So I tell him and he looks upset. We cuddle. I love him.

So here we are, we have our first consultation tomorrow and there's no excuse to cancel it and spend the money on a flat screen and a shit hot nursery. Let's see how this goes. There may be hope in a petri dish. Is Petri a good name for a baby??